Does God snicker?

We may not often catch ourselves thinking this, a common but subtle perception of God: He doesn't really care when I make any wrong decisions. To him, what will be, will be. When I seek guidance, he gives some clues, but once I make a decision he has no qualms of letting me go through the consequences of that decision by myself, left to my own devices.

There are more than one thing I am pondering about this perception:

1) The idea of wrong decisions sometimes cause us to live under a cloud of fear and doubt. Oh my gosh! Made a wrong move. It's doom and gloom from hereon. There's no remedy, I'm finished. Shame on me! My future's ruined. Why am I not holy enough? Why did I not pray enough? How come I can't seem to put my finger on his perfect will?

2) What will be, will be? I've always hated that song Que Sera Sera (yes, I know, 'hate' is a very strong word). Did God let Joseph have a life of 'what will be will be'? Let nature run its course? At which point did God choose to turn his brothers' evil meant to harm him for good, from which he ended up saving not only his own family, but an entire nation, from famine? The bottomline is that God showed up! Then there's Esther, David, Jacob, Abraham - who all found that the dreams they lost to failure and/or foolishness were redeemed in the place of recognizing God is a purposeful and sovereign God who can work things out for good.

3) We're super-scared when stakes are high. Small decisions deceive us into a sort of complacency in how we ask for counsel. But big ones? Ooh...scaweeeee. God, help! I suppose it's true, yes, that certain decisions are not as critical as others. Either way, though, would you say that you and God can make both big AND small decisions together? Sure. Perhaps the fear of making a wrong decision is, by our categories, greater with bigger decisions. I think whatever type of decision ought to be a partnership between you, God, and others who give wise counsel. And the imagery of how one discerns the most right decision is not some mystical, pie-in-the-sky type thing, confirmed with an audible voice (although that is not difficult at all when you involve God in the process). Any decision is a partnership decision - all things concern God and what he means to you.

4) In thinking that God leaves us to our decisions, especially when you are in even the slightest doubt that you may not have 'heard' or sensed rightly, there is a sense of abandonment. What a cage in our minds! But perhaps you do this without realizing? Like our parents, leaders or friends, we feel like God says to us about our decisions, "well, you made your bed, so you lie in it." You deserve it. You chose the path, so what happens as a result you have only yourself to blame. Or that person whose advice you wanted to take. Or that incident you selected to be classified as a confirmation. I can't help but picture Jacob, whom God wrestled with all night through. It's almost like, "Jacob, I wanna be involved in your life more than you know. I want you to know my purposes for your life and those you love cannot be thwarted. I am here to make sure that you know it is within my power to show up in your life, In fact, I'll leave you with a limp just so you never forget - I've got your back."

So maybe my pondering today leads me to interpret Jacob's experience this way: God does care whenever you make any decision. You may think your decisions are not always the most right ones, but he always - ALWAYS - goes through the consequences of your decisions WITH you, i.e. he does not snicker at you from afar and maybe stretch out a hand only when you yell for help. You are not left to your own devices (thank God!), or you would have long ceased to exist.

To take it further, maybe what we think is right or wrong in terms of a decision isn't the same as how God thinks. In our moments of seeking resolution or direction, no concern, however valid, ought to cloud your trust that He has got your back. Whatever you decide, he will never leave you nor forsake you. He is always near, an ever-present help. He enjoys you. He rejoices in your decisions every time, when your heart intended to hear and obey him. Perhaps it is safe to say, in this context, that there cannot be a 'wrong' decision because your heart was right at that point of decision. Perhaps it is safe to say, thus, that you cannot fail, you can't possible fail! In fact, you will succeed 100%, not because you are the most awesome decision-maker in the whole wide world (who is?!) but that you are the most childlike in faith and desperately reliant on him to help you go through life.

Stop for a moment on the phrase 'you have only yourself to blame". What does that mean? Do you blame yourself when you encounter difficulty following your decision? But do you take credit when a decision goes so well that everything seems to 'fall' into place? Maybe by believing that when something goes wrong it's all your fault means that when something goes well you think all credit should go to you. Would it not be true that thankfulness is due, NO MATTER HOW life turns out? Worship is due. Glory to God is due.

In the quiet, in the stillness I know that you are God.
In the secret of your presence I know there I am restored...
...in the chaos, in confusion I know you're sovereign still.
In the moment of my weakness you give me grace to do your will...
...now I live to bring you praise...all my delight is in you Lord...

P/S: So, does God snicker?

You, Lord.

It has been a little over a year since I first packed my bags and left home, where I was born and raised all of my 20+years of life. To say that a lot has happened in this one year is to state the obvious. Anyone who has ever 'left home' would attest to that. I cannot begin to describe the depth from which this statement arises. For everyone, I'm sure, time away equals major change...and each of us have our own story. 

There are many beliefs I held before that I now still hold with strong conviction. There are, at the same time, too many other beliefs I held before that I now either hold loosely, or have chosen to let go of (until it is time to review it, if ever). I'd like to think that this happens to each of us all the time, but we know there are specific seasons in which this experience is intensified. At times, it happens by one's choice, e.g. a deliberate step to pursue training in a different location. At other times, one finds oneself cornered - we can say - by the Almighty, e.g. sudden illness, or global economic crisis. Of course, the human role cannot be removed from circumstances. and our appropriate response can determine the fruit of life's circumstances. 

So, really, as cliché as it sounds - a lot has happened in this one year. It has been one, drawn-out year of His curriculum. It would be premature to articulate lessons learned at this point, as though the learning is near conclusion. I would not dare to attempt that. I suspect, with much sobriety, that the unfolding of His learning objectives for me from this year's curriculum will come only after many years. Maybe a decade or two. That isn't to say there are no pieces of truth now. Like morsels of food. "But you ain't seen nothing yet..." Yes, yes, there is more to come, as long as we're alive! Every day of our lives is a part of our journey of learning life and love, some days feel longer than most. Some seasons are just more intensely introspective, wouldn't you agree? Maybe you understand? It has been one such year, vacillating between "I think I get it" and "What are You trying to say", between "God has been teaching me this" and "That wasn't quite it". No, I ain't seen nothing yet.

Perhaps it is safe to say there are overarching themes of this curriculum that I think I'm beginning to grasp. Not without pain, not without patience (surely not my strength). Moments when silence spoke louder than words, moments when His whispered reply deafened my ears. When I had to lean in to hear, only to discover the amplifier was right behind me. 

I was deaf but now I hear? 

I was blind, do I now dare see? 

Surely I was lost, but now am being found. 

Would it be blasphemous to say that I have found everything I held dear to be wanting, that only in discarding what I know, the distance between the attained and the yet-to-be-attained can be eliminated? To say that those who hold too unrelentingly to what they deem absolute to them do not know what truly is absolute for others? To say that everything I used to know I now find I know nothing of? But I rejoice in this 'blasphemous' statement, then, for that is how this year has been; I have been utterly taken apart, exposed, made vulnerable --- and it has been...strangely liberating. 

All that to say, it has been one heck of a year. A place of pain and turmoil. But such liberation - in healing, in restoration. Such grace! In having sought to posture myself like Mary and her alabaster jar, a year later I do not emerge any less prostrated. Nor any less depraved. Nor any less ill-reputed. Nor any less despised or weak. Nor any less incapable, in and of myself. If anything, perhaps more desperate than before. Over the days and months, I see, still, the same picture. Mary and her jar, stooping low, doing the unthinkable --- approaching the Master in her shameful disposition with her only possession, at the scorn of her enemies. What was she thinking??? The nerve. 

A lot has happened. Janice, what were you thinking? The nerve. 

You have no idea, friend. It did not cost me nothing. 

As vain as others may deem it, I encountered my Master. 

To these, yet, I will cling:

"The Lord is close to those whose hearts have been broken. He saves those whose spirits have been crushed." - Ps 34:18

"I have chosen to be faithful to you. I put my trust in your laws. Lord, I'm careful to obey your covenant laws. Don't let me be put to shame. I am quick to follow your commands, because you have set my heart free." - Psalm 119:30-32

"I will praise the Lord. I won't forget anything he does for me...He satisfies me with the good things I long for. Then I feel young and strong again, just like an eagle." - Psalm 103:2, 5

"Find your delight in the Lord. Then he will give you everything your heart really wants." - Psalm 37:4

"I will thank the Lord at all times. My lips will always praise him.

I will honor the Lord. Let those who are hurting hear and be joyful.

Join me in giving glory to the Lord. Let us honor him together.

I looked to the Lord, and he answered me. He saved me from everything I was afraid of. 

Those who look to him beam with joy. They are never put to shame...

The lions may grow weak and hungry. But those who look to the Lord have every good thing they need." - Psalm 34:1-5, 10

You, Lord

You are Lord.

Summer Stretch

(Taken from my latest newsletter, to see the full version of this update click here.)

As of last week, Spring quarter at Fuller officially ended. It was by far the toughest quarter for me. A few more quarters to go! For now I'm glad that it's summer break. With summer approaching, LA gets warmer, but the proverbial June gloom kicked in two weeks before I left which was not fun. Now, I am in Hong Kong city (panorama photo above), the land of many 'Wan's - where the sun hides behind the clouds but the air is densely hot, hot, hot!

AFF

Antioch Forerunner Foundation is a summer missions program focused on training students and graduates to reach nations particularly along the Silk Road back to Jerusalem. This summer we are having it in three locations: Kansas City (July 1-31), Hong Kong (June 16-July 22) and Taiwan (July 26-Aug 23). The exciting thing is that we see God bringing together people from different nations with a common passion for a missional lifestyle, and a heart for prayer and intimacy with the Father. 

With a unique thrust for each of these three locations, we are expecting God to further His mission by doing a deep work in each trainee; in Hong Kong - the Gateway City - the thrust is MARKETPLACE. How can they live out a missional lifestyle once they graduate, when they enter into a totally new environment that may not be as 'easy' a field as the campus? That is what AFF HK is about...

After AFF, our team will join Gateway Camp - a multicultural worship & intercession camp for people from many nations to be joined in destiny to partner with families and missions opportunities throughout China, HK and the nations beyond. 

On a personal note, besides AFF and HK, I ask for your prayer for:

1. Family in Kota Kinabalu: Divine provision for my parents and sister, and health in every aspect of their being and relationships.
2. Study: I will begin a distance-learning course for 10 weeks, starting next week. Please pray for healthy body, mind and spirit, and for focused diligence as I study while traveling. 
   
3. Travel: Most importantly, that God would make me a blessing wherever I go, at the sound of his voice which I hope to obey faithfully. 

(end of excerpt)

Hope I can post more often this summer. It HAS been a little quiet here.... but it's gonna be an exciting summer, fosho!!!

an·tic·i·pa·tive

The word anticipative is quite a likeable word.

Anticipative\An*tic"i*pa*tive\, a.
Anticipating, or containing anticipation. ``Anticipative of the feast to come.'' --Cary. -- An*tic"i*pa*tive*ly, adv. 
Source: Webster's Revised Unabridged Dictionary (1913)

Been pondering on two phrases that led me to be anticipative:
1) Grace-fueled hope
2) Faith-filled obedience

Hope fills our hearts with a desire to see what could not be actually come to BE. An opening up of horizons to Providential possibilities of a reality outside of our grey, bleak boxes labelled "Mundane lives". Hope pushes boundaries of self, is not subject to the rhyme or reason of our binary existence, and redraws the perimeters of our vista which is otherwise void of the supernatural. God's grace makes hope possible. For without grace, what hope could we have? What hope could you and I cling on to, that sets our face like flint to the treacherous journey before us, anticipating despite the bleary surroundings a sweet eternal ending? Without grace, there is NO hope. Thus, would you not say that any sense of hope is to be attributed to grace given us undeservingly and not dependent at ALL on whether we can make things happen the way we want? So, we hope - and that hope is realized because God fuels it with HIS grace, outside of our resources and ability to see too far into the future or to turn the wheels to our own advantage. Because of God's grace, we can have hope and live out hope.

To live out that hope, then, demands of us a response. An obedient response, in fact. How come? Think of a dream you hope would come true. Then think what it requires of you to live that out. Realities, of course, are not ours to create. It is not that you can make an alternate reality because you simply hope so and it just happens. But if we think about it, when your heart is filled with a living hope, a hope that has vision, drive, passion, and excitement (albeit apprehensive at some moments), you cannot help but respond with a resolve not to jeopardize that hope - not if you can help it. 
We do the things we otherwise cannot do.
We don't do the things we otherwise do.
All so that our obedience moves us along that grace-fueled hope. We obey what it takes, because that which we hope for is worth our obedience. But...this takes faith. Obedience without faith is no obedience. Obedience with faith, now THAT'S what moves mountains. More importantly, it moves you and moves God's heart. Thus, a devotion of heart and a diligence of mind emerges: I fully submit to this hope I now have by grace, let me consider what it requires of me and obey it by faith.

GRACE ENABLES HOPE THAT DEMANDS OF US OUR OBEDIENCE BY FAITH.

What do you hope for today?
Of what are you anticipative?
And how can you exercise faith in your obedience towards this hope?

IS...THE

Jesus answered, "I am the way and the truth and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me."
—John 14:6

Just think: That little article 'the'? Without it, John 14:6 contains nothing significant.
But with that 'the'? Way, Truth, and Life takes on a completely different meaning.

Today, though, I am pondering on the 'is'.

We find oxygen in the stirrings of our hearts. When you engage in an act that breeds passion deep inside, like painting your thoughts or cooking a meal for someone dear. We catch a breath of fresh air, right there. Aah... Sadly, exceptional are the moments when your heart is arrested by a little girl's smile or the tug of a jazz song from that cafe by the corner. You stop to breathe? Or do you not stop enough? 

Perhaps you're one of the millions who hyperventilate through life. Barely getting enough air. We easily recognize how suffocating it feels to imagine a 'the' life, but we can't deny it IS THE best way to live. How do we walk in the Way, embrace the Truth, and live the Life with every breath? When we acknowledge Christ's claim, we have placed our lives in His hands once and for all. There is no more normal life, no more making the mundane from day to day. 

Why is Jesus 'the' ___ ? It's not:

Going to church = the Way.

Reading the bible = the Truth.

Doing good works = the Life.

Jesus is a person. He's THE One.

Him being Him makes you a BEloved.

Not just what he does/did/will do, it's who he is. That's what rocks your world.

He IS the Way. 

He IS the Truth.

He IS the Life.

In who He is, you breathe.

You breathe in who He is :)

He is the Way. Follow Him through the Land of Unlikeness; You will see rare beasts, and have unique adventures.
He is the Truth. See Him in the Kingdom of Anxiety; You will come to a great city that has expected your return for years.
He is Life. Love Him in the World of the Flesh; And at your marriage all of its occasions shall dance for joy.
~ Taken from Tim Hansel's You Gotta Keep Dancin'

May there be fresh air for you today, dear friends. And if you catch me blue in the face, remind me to inhale.